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02/01/2006

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Date Posted: 10:34 01/12/2003



Learn to count with the CCP!

One to Ten with the Reds!


ONE

'ONE CHINA': The lodestone, the Holy Grail of Chinese foreign policy, and the bane of Taiwanese independents, the One China policy forbids any country from giving diplomatic recognition to both the People's Republic of China and Taiwan. For three weeks up to November 28, the tiny Pacific island of Kiribati became the only country in history to have embassies from both sides of the Strait. However, on November 28, the PRC finally withdrew their men. (Not to be confused with the FOUR NOES, Chen Shuibian's promise not to declare independence.)

TWO

'TWO LINES': The 'key to all China's problems,' wrote Chairman Mao, the Two Lines represent Light (Mao, Marxism, the Proletariat) and Dark (Chiang Kaishek, the Japanese, bourgeois revisionism), leading to victory on the one hand and defeat on the other. The Marxist dialectic twisted in order to meet China's conditions. (cf. the TWO RONNIES)

THREE

'THREE RED BANNERS': The hugely successful 1958 campaign to promote the General Line for Socialist Construction, the Great Leap Forward, and the People's Communes. (see FIFTY MILLION dead)

'THREE BIG MOUNTAINS': Imperialism, feudalism and 'bureaucrat-capitalism', all weighing on the backs of the Chinese people before they were liberated in 1949.

'THREE HONESTS': Be honest in thought, work and deed. The motto of the oilfield workers at Daqing in northeastern China, before they were all made redundant and then took to stealing stuff.

'THREE REPRESENTS': The Communist Party represents (1) the blah blah blah, (2), erm, and (3), er, you know. Jiang Zemin's magnificent innovation.

FOUR

'FOUR CLEAN-UPS': Cleanse politics, economy, organization, and ideology, said Chairman Mao in 1963, referring to the fact that all the top leaders were ignoring him after the failures of the Great Leap Forward (see THREE RED BANNERS).

'FOUR MODERNIZATIONS': Modernize industry, agriculture, national defence, and science and technology, said Deng Xiaoping in the late 1970s. 'It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white,' he also said, 'as long as it catches mice.'

'FOUR MUSTS': In a concession to bourgeois materialism, Mao said that everyone must own a bike, a radio, a watch and a sewing machine. (cf. EIGHT BIGS)

'FOUR OLDS': Smash the Four Olds, Chairman Mao said. They were the old ideas, old culture, old customs, and old habits of the exploiting classes.

FIVE

'FIVE BAD ELEMENTS': Remember, we all might be a landlord, a rich peasant, a counter-revolutionary, a criminal, or a rightist, so beware.

'FIVE EXCESSES': In 1953, Chairman Mao made a criticism of bureaucratic behaviour, which consisted of an excess of assignments, an excess of meetings, an excess of documents, an excess of organizations and an excesses of jobs on the side. In response, special committees were set up, convening a series of meetings and releasing a number of special documents in order to solve the problem.

SIX

'SIX DEMANDS': Chairman Mao demands that the dancers from the PLA Cultural Work Troupe should be nubile, flexible... (that's enough demands. Ed.)

SEVEN

'SEVEN NOES': The taboos for Chinese journalists, including the denial of the guiding role of Marxism, opposing the CCP policies, revealing state secrets, opposing official policies on religion or ethnic minorities, supporting violence, spreading rumours or false news, or violating party propaganda discipline or advertising rules. Running Dog has violated at least seven of them. Curiously, the Seven Noes also refers to the lessons in hygiene dished out by the authorities during the SARS crisis earlier this year.

EIGHT

'EIGHT BIGS': Never one to be upstaged, Deng updated Mao's FOUR MUSTS with the following list of family essentials: a colour TV, a fridge, a stereo, a camera, a motorbike, a suite, a washing machine, and an electric fan.

NINE

'STINKING NINTH CLASS': The lowest of the low during the Cultural Revolution, members of the stinking ninth class consisted of intellectuals, poets, writers and all those long-haired arty types. The other eight categories are the landlords, the rich peasants, the counter-revolutionaries, the bad elements, the Rightists, the renegades, the enemy agents and the 'capitalist roaders'. See 'FIVE BAD ELEMENTS'.

TEN

'TEN PROHIBITIONS': Refers to the ban on all behaviour pertaining to a certain outlawed religious cult, which Running Dog doesn't dare to mention. (see SEVEN NOES)

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